The Shopkeeper (aka The Pearl of Great Price/Treasure in a field skit)


The Shopkeeper: Hello and welcome to my little shop – Just Junk: I’ll trade your trash and take your tat! Bring anything to me and I’ll buy it…

(Pearl comes in)

Oh! A customer!

Pearl: Hi there, I was wondering if you might be up for buying a few bits and pieces?

The Shopkeeper: Well, that’s what I’m here for: I’ll trade your trash and take your tat!

Pearl: Great! I’m looking to sell (brings up bag) this stuff!

The Shopkeeper: OK (looks inside) – right, books, some clothes, DVDs and… um… you’re selling your toothbrush?

Pearl: Yip – I’m selling everything.

The Shopkeeper: And… your… socks?

Pearl: Sure! Even the odd ones.

The Shopkeeper: Riiiiight. You seem to be having a fairly big clearout?

Pearl: Yes, I’m raising funds for a special purchase! In fact, do you buy jewellery too?

The Shopkeeper: Of course! I buy everything! No tat too tatty and all that.

Pearl: What about these? (shows a small bag of pearls)

The Shopkeeper: Wow! Pearls! These are beautiful and you’d get quite a lot of money for them! Are you sure you want to sell them?

Pearl: Definitely! I’ve seen something that makes everything else – even these precious pearls – look like nothing!

The Shopkeeper: Well then it’s a deal! I’ll only be able to give you half price for the odd socks and you can keep the toothbrush… and the underpants but here you go!

Pearl: Great! I’m off to the jewellery shop!

(Farmer Joe comes in)

Farmer Joe: Here! Would you be in the market to buy a tractor?

The Shopkeeper: That’s an unusual request but, yes, I buy everything!

Farmer Joe: What about a metal detector?

The Shopkeeper: Of course.

Farmer Joe: And my house?

The Shopkeeper: Your what?

Farmer Joe: My house. My dog. My car. My collection of ______________ DVDs and my gardening equipment.

The Shopkeeper: B… but why are you selling all this stuff?!

Farmer Joe: Oh, I want to buy a field!

The Shopkeeper: I can only guess – the field has a house and a dog and a car even better than the stuff you’re selling…

Farmer Joe: Nope! There’s nothing much there except a tree (and some treasure)

The Shopkeeper: Pardon?

Farmer Joe: Nothing – so, do we have a deal?

The Shopkeeper: Oh, alright then. Sold!

Farmer Joe: Oh. Actually I might need to keep a hold of the shovel – can I keep that?

The Shopkeeper: That’ll be £5 please.

Farmer Joe: Thanks! Bye!

(Runs down left aisle) Pearl: Look at the size of this pearl I just bought with that money! Yeooooooo!

(Runs down right aisle) Farmer Joe: Who said there’s no such thing as buried treasure! I LOVE my field! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

The Shopkeeper: Strange customers. Next!

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